i need to be responsible of my own life.
by making decisions.
but i suck at making decisions.

until december

23 November; Bath

24 November; Bristol Cathedral

24 December; Bristol Cathedral

30 November; Cambridge

13 December; Clifton Suspension Bridge

13 December; Clifton Suspension Bridge

18 December; London

18 December; London

pretty much sums up these few months.

i'd definitely say yes to a proposal with this

这个月半到英国很挫折
好像没有那么孤单过
变得有点负面有点消极心不在焉
很想念哥哥和姐姐想念籍娴秋芳女王想要有地方住
竟然变到很主动找人去玩虽然每次都被拒绝 >_<


今天翻回旧照片才想起其实我很幸福
我有很疼我的查理, 和很多人
只是大家都很忙没有办法一直联络


也许每天醒来不要期待那么多不要要求那么多
一切顺其自然ok?
换个角度想就可以绝处逢生的
也没有那么糟糕
没有东西的啦加油

the chain

have never been this confused

this is exactly how i feel now 

shine a light on me,

lead me,

k?

下个星期去英国

"最后一次见到你的路口

我现在才明白原来是一条河

或是一道地下层下陷

从哪里开始时间有了不同的转述

我们再也不站在同一个地面"

我现在在英国, 我也不知道时间是怎么过的,

可是很快很快学期要结束了

我在这里遇到了很多人,

建立了很多新的友谊,

可是我很清楚明白这个结束真的是句点了.

我很舍不得这些人,

可是我除了很弱很弱的说要记得我哦,

其他什么我都做不了了

我不要变成你不认得的人, 我也不要你变成我不认得的人,

就这样不长大, 不好吗?

 and one day I'll reminiscence on how our paths crossed,

how generous you were and how you wonderfully painted this page of my life.

I don't want to leave.

But I'm torn apart :( 

growing old

the best part:

having someone to grow old with.

wedding song list

还剩一点点

我在这里很幸福的 T_T

很多人sayang我的.

我在图书馆饿了朋友就会特地带饭给我吃, 

他们会煲糖水给我喝,

一起读书的时候他们会带很多东西来一起吃,

然后一起摸对方的肚子讲自己很肥.
然后他们回家后会提醒我说外面风很大在下雨要小心回家

以后没有你们我会很不习惯.

我不要走 我不要明年自己煮饭没有你们一起吃

昨天小秋在图书馆先回家然后我看着她整理东西回家我很不舍得都快哭了

真的到那天的时候怎么办 :(

为什么我的友谊全部建立在食物上面的?

scottish whisky

 

the hardest part:

scotland!

Edinburgh is a dream

going through a lot now :(

mentally exhausted. i am really tired this time

kbye!

valentine's day and chapgohmeh

best thing that has happened to me in Bristol :)

friends that pampered and showered me with their love,

feels like forever despite knowing each other for a short period.
have been taking good care of me. (even more)

with constant surprises that come on cheesy occasions,
i feel loved :)
what more can i ask for.

 

happy valentine's day 

not being with you and not knowing what the future holds for us. what will happen minhou? :(

0502

I've always thought that the human body as a very forgiving structure, but apparently it's more fragile than you can ever imagine. I couldn't help but pity her, so young. She must have got great ambitions for the future, and also filled with dreams. So much more to be accomplished and so many people yet to meet. And the people she cares and care about her, what about them. The saddest part is she didn't even got the chance to say goodbye.

live at the moment

到最后只有自己，不如不见

must read !

Disclaimer:
this is going to sound bizzare but if you love me you must read this carefully ok! must read really carefully because it means a lot to me!! hahaha!


talked to leeghaiyein and i told her i want eason's 活着多好 on my funeral, and she said she wanted 我等着你回来, then i told her i wouldn't want to attend her funeral because it'd be horrifying. haha! she then reminded me of a movie 六楼后座之家属谢礼, and she said she would want her funeral conducted like the one in the movie because it was cute. i have not thought this through but i would like my funeral to be something like that too! (leeghaiyein i don't care hahaha i want to copy too! neni neni bubu) haha! cause it's meaningful. yes i would like someone to say prayers on my funeral (conventional buddhist funerals :) ) but it would really be nice to sit everyone i love and know together in a room and say something nice about me, not necessarily nice things but just things we've experienced together, or how we met, or the fondest memory you have of me. Oh yes the idea of gathering people that have known me from different stages in my life is so exciting and cool!  :) go on and talk to my family or friends, they're nice people! and hopefully you'd get some new information about me haha. embarrassing things also can :D i don't care. haha! and yes someone would weep (hopefully) hahahahahaha wtf, but it's the memories we share that should be cherished. and then everyone will be served my favourite food, nuggets and 汤圆 and laksa and the best nutella crepes from germany, kimchi pancake kimchi friend rice curry, and vegetables lots of vegetables k! then my photographs can be passed around so that one can remember how fat i was hahahahaha! (NO!! i don't want to die in this form !!) and how happy i was! and then the funeral will have a lot of my favourite songs, (grab playlists from my computer k easy enough)! this song also must put!! click! then everybody is allowed to be sad for two weeks then life must go on but must occasionally think of me ok! (concept/line copied from a movie/novel hahaha) then you must remember that i love you all very very very much, remember that i'll be watching over you somewhere above??? wtf. haha! just remember that i love you all la k! very much!!

fuck la i simply write only i want to live until i'm 86 one!! but seriously i would really want my funeral to be conducted like this! there's a lot of things yet to be accomplished by me, getting fit will be first on my list, and graduating from uni (first class hons la wtf) will be second. and then getting married and spend 80 days around the world, nola more than 80 days ok, maybe one year or two years la and having someone to grow old with! then after having footsteps all over the world only i can die peacefully, not now not now!!!

okla bizzare enough i'm going to bath now lo bye!

taken on the street of Prague near the river that overlooks charles bridge and the castle, 2013.

Prague

 Prague :)

 

tried out some vintage "Harry" effects online :) but the photo quality is not that good 

oink

I just came back from the bathroom and I'm really upset because I lost my iPod, again!! this is the third time I couldn't find my iPod, nevertheless the first two times I was lucky enough to find it again. The first time was in the gym, when the nicest receptionist in the gym has successful located it for me. And the second time was in Berlin, when we came back and i couldn't find it on my bed. Apparently the cleaning lady thought it was someone else's and left it with the receptionist.

Only the third time did it not come back :( I was packing my stuff so i can camp in the library, thought i brought my iPod along however didn't see it in the library. Assumed that i left it in the living room or my housemate's room, but when i went for it, it wasn't there :( tried retracing the tracks and the lost and found in school and didn't find it. Thought that if i stopped searching, it'd just resurface. but it didn't :( my shuffle just vanished in thin air wtf

Okay this is no ordinary iPod, it's a pink iPod! haha wtf. nola! it's my 20th birthday present, and from people i love the most. The thing that's bothering so much that makes me want to put myself in a blender is and blend myself into a cup of juice is, this is the third ipod since i was sixteen. I can't believe i just lost another one. I make things disappear so often i hope that there's a built in gps in everything i own, i mean everything! or at least the things that mean so much to me :(

when i came back from prague, i discovered i left my towel in the previous hostel, and my buddha statue necklace that's presented to me as a farewell gift from my aunt is nowhere to be found. I couldn't word to you how much does this bother me but i feel like when i lose something, a new hole is punched in my heart, or brain wtf. i wish i could be more watchful over my things and stop being so gullible and stupid haha!

and i bought two pairs of earphones after i touched down in the uk. i really don't know where did i put my previous pair of earphones T_T

okay since i'm writing about all the bad things i might as well write everything out so that this will be the end of my long list of not really good things that happened in the past few months. okay from the least damaging. i dropped my titus on the kitchen floor and it now has a little scratch on the side. so sad i don't want to look at titus carefully or else i'll spot the scar again.

when i went to berlin, i hurt my foot on the third day and i literally spent the whole of my journey in the hostel. On the bright side, i FULLY utilized the hostel's facilities, the wifi and the bed. haha! almost got pick pocketed by a fuck face and got conned 100 euros by another fuck face. i'm making all this sound so mild but really it was a frightful experience T_T

thought i could spend my christmas eve with fellow friends nicely and i imagined hugs and counting downs and i ended up taking care of drunk friends hahaha! (nevertheless it was actually very amusing and fun taking care of drunk people muahahuahuahuah!) thought i could spend my NYE with kherjia and thought nothing could probably go wrong when the crowd drowned me and i couldn't even call her, ended up with two little kittens only.

now i've finished my exams i thought i could go traveling again, and have booked bus tickets to paris a month or two before when leekherjia stood me up and then my foot starts aching again. quite worried that if i'll end up staying in the hostel everyday like i did in berlin and pretty much everywhere else. so i stayed back, when everyone left! i spent my whole day doing nothing today :(  

Hmm hahahaaha actually after writing everything out you'd think it's not that big a deal. it is not. i never thought it was, it's just funny and i really want this to end hahaha! so i'll end here naoooo!!
so here's some pictures of gloucester road and my pink ipod shuffle (with vintage effects i just found out on the internet wtf yahoooooooo!!) bye! :D okay actually just two pictures bye!

10:55pm

okay who am I kidding. I'm a very very lucky girl.  I'm 21 this year. So young but given the opportunity to study overseas. I have my sister sponsoring my living costs, and my parents supporting my accommodation and school fees. Was told to buy anything I feel that I need, in order to keep myself warm, or comfortable. Furthermore, blessed enough to have extra money to go to exciting places. It's been only three months but I have been to quite a few cities. Even more, I have my best friend with me here. I have a lot of obstacles meeting up with her, I have not tell her how much I appreciate her, I think I should, maybe one day. Despite not very reliable, she's the only one I can turn to when I'm 12382112 miles from home. Well, some of my housemates are difficult. But they're nice people, they sometimes offer me food. I was blessed enough to have my own bunch. I am lucky to have people I can call 'my bunch'. In fact I'm very very grateful I have them. One of them is my housemate, two of them are my housemate's coursemates, and another two of them are my housemate's coursemate's boyfriends. Not quite related eh? However I feel very comfortable around them and even more I can laugh around and be my normal self. What's even better is that they acknowledged my existence and I appreciate that. Saturday or Sunday nights we have dinner together even when we don't, my housemate and I will cook and watch programmes online. I have friends that are always there for me although living in different time zones. I love them so much because of the assurance they give me all the time. I have my parents that talks to me once or twice every week telling me every small things and nagging me. My brother that calls me once in a while to talk to me and I'd flaunt about the places I've been to, and my sister's occasion calls to make sure I have enough to spend. Even my aunt and cousins are really concerned. I'd call them and they'd make sure that I'm missed. I know my dog and grandma are waiting for me too. In a cold winter night, I ran to the library and felt the cold breeze on my cheeks. That's when I got to my senses and figured that I might be maximizing my problems . I have to quit being a coward.

Count your blessings before even complaining about life.

so here's a picture of sunset in Prague :)

prettiest and most stunning city I've been to :D

and I'm very satisfied of the christmas tree!!

Qing Yan in Europe

11 Dec 2013 - 26 Dec 2013 

Qing Yan eating nutella crepe! 一日一片crepe!!

Qing Yan acting so cute at the train station

Qing Yan taking pictures of streets!

 

Qing Yan eating soup in bread!!

Qing Yan in Frankfurt!!

 

Qing Yan eating pork knuckles in Frankfurt

Qing Yan acting like a sohai and eating famous cake in Vienna

a collection of my pictures! that's all for now!
photo credits: Kahmung!

NYE 2013

I spent my final hours of 2013 in London.

Instead of Kherjia, I welcomed my new year with tommy and yeexun T.T which is pretty depressing and pathetic haha! three people countdown. The massive crowd surrounding us and pretty much everyone made it impossible to move, not to mention finding someone.

Nevertheless, I have to say the four hours of standing and boredom totally worths it.

Despite the aching legs and the rain (that fucking starts 11 something) and the people beside me that have 1823123 packets of cigarettes and endless supply of vodka and coke and ice,

I witnessed the prettiest fireworks in my life.

I stood under the magnificence of the fireworks and watched the colours burst in front of my eyes, I almost cried watching the brilliance.

It was so pretty.

I loved that fact that everyone was gathered together to celebrate the commencement of a new year. Hugging strangers and wishing people happy new year, joining hands and singing auld lang syne (not very, haha!), listening to the heartbeat of the fireworks, Big Ben striking twelve, the cold weather (you never get that in Malaysia k, only sweat and heat hahaha!), standing in front of London Eye and the biggest prettiest ten minute fireworks.
I'm so thankful and blessed for another year, and even more than that, being able to usher my new year with all these people.

I had a great 2013, I'm 21 now.

I don't mean to brag, but..

I WAS FUCKING THERE!!

I watched the NYE 2013 London Fireworks!!

And I am very happy!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!